Friday, March 27, 2009

The Inside Scoop on Why Ghanaian Men Cheat...Including A Cheater's Response

Why do so many men (and it's increasingly common with women too) have partners on the side (beyond their wives or girlfriends or husbands or boyfriends)? And why is it okay to do it openly?


This is the question that my friend Amarkai’s posed in an email to me. To give you some background, Amarkai has been living outside Ghana for several years and has recently returned home. In his email, these are the words which lead up to the question above: “Been out with a married dude in public multiple times, and he's always got a different girl along - hanging out with his coworkers who all know his wife. When I read his question, I hmm-ed, and thought...how would I know? If you, a Ghanaian man cannot fathom why your kind do what they do, then what hope do the rest of us have of understanding you? Mara, Kwame ahe?! But I looked at the question again and attempted to answer it: Why do so many men (and it's increasingly common with women too) have partners on the side (beyond their wives or girlfriends or husbands or boyfriends)? And why is it okay to do it openly?


In response to Amarkai’s question, I was going to do a regular blog post in which I would present my thoughts and ask you to share with us what you reckon accounts for such blatant infidelity in Ghana. Upon further reflection however, I decided against writing it in the regular style of my blog entries. Instead I thought to try a new approach to addressing this question. The approach I took was to pose the same question to three personalities. First, on the list was a cheater, specifically a man who admits to cheating on his girlfriend. Let’s call him Papa Abayie. Next, I interviewed Salimatu, a married woman who believes she has never been cheated on. Finally, I interviewed Korshie, a man who has never cheated on his girlfriend and has no desire to do so in the future. All the personalities interviewed are Ghanaians, in their mid to late twenties and have at least a bachelor’s degree.


There Are No Whys About Cheating

When I asked Papa Abayie (PA) why he cheated, he responded by saying “no whys, I don't even think about it for a second. Basically, I have sex whoever I want to”.

Maameous: so to you, it doesn't matter that you’re committed to someone else. You'll have sex with another person if you feel like it...and not tell your girlfriend.

PA: Bang on!

Maameous: Would your girlfriend feel bad if she found out?

PA: She would feel worse than bad

Maameous: So by not telling her, you save her the pain?

PA: Well maybe…but that's not what I'm thinking. I don't tell because she has no right to know

Maameous: Am I right to guess then that you do not think you have a right to know if she cheats on you?

PA: Yep, who ever has a right to know that his/her partner is cheating? How do they expect to benefit from the info?

Maameous: But some would argue that since there is some risk of passing on a venereal disease to her if you happen to contract one by sleeping with a third person, she has a right to know that you’re putting her at risk by not being faithful.

PA: Sure, but that is a different argument which has nothing with you cheating. I’m not reporting the act of “cheating" but the fact that I may put her at risk. I will only report if I wasn't protected and/or have been diagnosed with a disease. In the process, of course, I will be making it known that I cheated but that will not be the point of the info. Basically this is the premise for my argument: if cheating is bad, it's bad. If it's not, then it's not. Whether it's bad or not should not be premised on what the other party will accept. To me cheating is not bad and therefore I do not expect anyone to demand for me to "report" it.


Men Cheat Because They Have Too Much Power, Are Weak, Or Believe in Tradition

According to Korshie, some Ghanaian men have too much power in their homes, adding that in such homes, women are cowered into accepting it. He also mentions that the acceptance is partly due the fact that traditionally, polygamy is accepted. He said some men also cheat because men are visually weak, which is to say they are easily attracted by what they see. Korshie said if he had his own way, Ghanaian women would be modest in the way they dress. He said there is too much emphasis on being sexy and he sees no reason why being sexy should be part of a woman’s self image or why women feel the need to show off themselves on the streets. He believes the only one who needs to see your sexy side is your significant other.

Korshie groups cheaters into two categories: Those who go out to look for it, and those who do it because the affair blooms from a friendship. He believes that those who go in search of it cannot be helped but that those who find themselves in it because they developed feelings for a friend should be advised to flee whenever they find themselves in a position where there is the potential for romantic interests to be roused. In his experience the guys who don’t cheat are those who take their Christian life seriously, those who are in relationships which mean a lot to them, and those who would like to cheat but don’t have the guts.


Men Cheat Because Society Lets Them

Playing devil’s advocate, I said to Salamatu, we all know that men are attracted by what they see. She acknowledged this, saying that human beings will be attracted to different people at different times and so men with partners may be attracted to certain women, but she takes issue with the fact that many Ghanaian men seem to have no problem with cheating and actually go ahead to do it. In other words, she thinks feeling an attraction towards a member of the opposite sex is acceptable, but acting on it is not, and being blatant about it is a complete no no. She mentions that she knows a lot of men who would openly let it be known that they have mistresses. If you're going to cheat, at least be courteous enough to hide it, says Salimatu. “A couple of my friends' dads had kids with their mistresses and brought the kids to live with them and the wives had to deal and accept it”. She also alludes to a double standard in Ghanaian society which forces women to be faithful: “Ghanaian women are also attracted to other men but for the most part don't cheat because it's considered horrible for a woman to cheat”, meanwhile a lot of Ghanaian men act like it's their right to cheat and give excuses like their wives let themselves go after childbirth or don’t have time for them because of the kids forgetting that they both contributed to bring the pregnancy into being and it's not the wives' fault if they got fatter or less sexy. On whether women sometimes make it difficult for men to remain faithful by the way the dress, she does not agree with Korshie. When I asked her what she thinks a guys ought to do if women dress sexy, she says “keep it in their pants…they're not helpless babies!”


Men Cheat Because They’re Wired that Way

To these I’ll add one argument that has not yet been raised, which is that biologically, humans are not monogamous, therefore remaining faithful goes against our natural tendency. This may explain why you’ll find men chasing after women who are less attractive than their wives. Perhaps this is why Halle Berry and Hillary Clinton would be cheated on or why Solomon, supposedly the wisest man in the bible would have so many concubines.


I hope these responses shed some light on what is a very relevant question with no straightforward answers. I’m sure your comments will help us understand our men even better. So I end by asking you what Amarkai asked me. Why do so many men (and it's increasingly common with women too) have partners on the side (beyond their wives or girlfriends or husbands or boyfriends)? And why is it okay to do it openly?



34 comments:

  1. Men, cheat because the male-dominated society we live in has led them to believe that it is ok to go out and selfishly fulfill their every wanton pleasure.

    Men cheat because unlike women, they are less willing to work through problems in their relationships and would rather move on than endure.

    Men cheat because to them it is somehow always the woman's fault i.e. she is not adventrous enough, she is too timid in bed, she nags too much etc and NEVER theirs(most of the time)

    Men cheat because society has almost made it acceptable that men do cheat. They now see it as their pregogative.

    Men cheat because of women; women who are willing to turn the other cheek and take them back because they are afraid to be alone or have decided to turn a blind eye to their men's antics or are too afraid to leave because of the stigma soceity would place on them etc...

    Most people would not agree but hey, this is my opinion on the subject.

    Naa

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  2. I find there there is no excuse for cheating I actually prefer someone to be honest and open about their cheating so that as the "significant" other i can make an informed decision about their life and the path that I choose to take.(the consequences on the relationship should be expected and if you are going to cheat then expect/accept them) I think our society does enable men to cheat as well as women, and the fact that it is acceptable for women to become completely dependent on the man or vice versa does not allow for much of a choice.

    As for the cheater there are loads of diseases especially in the case of men that are not detectable (meaning through the experience of symptoms), so unless he has himself check out every 4-6months I think it would be best if he considers telling his mate. A condom does not protect us from everything. I mean he seems to be open about it, so why not? what is he scared of? For him it is his right to choose, so why hide who you are?

    I guess at the end of the day. The argument is not about Ghanaians and their relationships it is about the individuals and what they want for themselves and the positions they want to find themselves in. I am a product of a Ghanaian home with a cheater, and I know what I have to do to be independent enough to choose, no matter how trustworthy my husband is. After all as you said biologically we are not programed to be monogamous we are programed to continue our genetic make up.

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  3. Men (or women) who cheat have absolutely no respect for the marriage vows they took. When you say I do, what do you think it means? it means I do you, you do me, and we do NOBODY else!

    If it is not okay for a woman to cheat, then it should never be okay for a man to cheat. This double standard "society" sets needs to be put away. Gone are the days of having multitudes of children/wives/concubines for farming purposes. Honestly, if you cannot put put your peepee in your pants, then, you are no better than a common animal, and should be treated as such.

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  4. Men cheat because other women are prepared to help them do it.

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  5. What a conincidence! I just finished listening to This American Life on Monogamy and Esi writes about Cheating...Esi you should listen to it. Quite interesting take on relationships.

    Someone mentioned Humans are not wired that way and its true. Therefore, It takes work from BOTH parties to make a monogamous relationship work. If you focus your energies on that relationship, there is a very great chance that the relationship will be very fulfilling and successful.

    I don't believe one gender is more likely to cheat than the other. Men are more visual and they are also nurtured sustain that trait. Women on the other hand, are visual but more tactile but we are nurtured to suppress both. But just because you see something that you like, doesn't mean you should take it. I don't buy that crap.

    If one person decides to look elsewhere, obviously their attention, energy, emotions etc becomes divided.

    Yes, we were genetically wired to do whatever it takes to continue the species but we are not savages anymore. Our lives, our societies have become complex, our cultures have evolved, our emotions have become heightened so it is not as simple as that.

    In Ghana, the double standard '3gyina pintinn!' ( tr: standing firm).I think it started because of the complete financial dependency and lower education levels of women or wives, and culture which forced them to accept the situation.
    But things are changing slowly. I think the women need to stand up for themselves and know that they deserve more if they desire more from the relationship ( and they should desire more). If they are happy with the way things are, then thats fine. But if the women want more, there is no reason to sit and waste your life on someone who doesn't make you a priority in their life. The grass IS greener on the other side...hehehe

    I dont understand this though.If you want to keep playing the field, why do you even bother to get serious? Really? why put another person through hell when you know you don't even want to be near anything that has to do with commitment? Talk about denial and self-imprisonment.

    But then again, I have learned that there is something about a man in a commited relationship that some women just can't stay away from. And then there are the men who want to get up in everything wearing a skirt so the cycle goes on...

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  6. To reach 8o years of marriage without ever having cheated is a gift of God. He gives it before ones gets married. Only he can see a man through life without extramarital affairs.never say never. just ask for that gift every morning and night. i have done422 days 18 hours of marriage without cheating.i hope to make it tomorrow.kojo derban

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  7. Esi, This is a question that comes to mind here, "Do you know PA's girlfriend and should you be telling here about his feelings about cheating?"

    I have never been comfortable with this question. If we know the cheater's boy/girlfriend, husband/wife, especially if they are family or a good friend, do you tell them or keep quiet?

    What do people think?

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  8. TweetyJill, I don't don't the girlfriend though I could easily reach her if I needed to. I just don't think it is my place to interfere with their relationship.And if I did, I would be abusing PA's trust...and I'm not quite sure I would be comfortable doing that. If you were the girlfriend, would you want to know,and how would you respond?

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  9. I most definitely agree with you! Fiifi Cleland!!

    the question is if a man is cheating on a woman, who is he cheating WITH??? unless he's some ass loving man or some animalia then it's most likely to be ANOTHER WOMAN!

    so simply both men and women cheat!

    a man would cheat with another man's wife! a man would cheat with another man's sister, another man's daughter, another man's untie etc. IT'S ALWAYS ANOTHER WOMAN! unles the above stated lol!

    can we really tell who cheats the most? meanwhile there are more women than men in the world so the statistics must be interesting!

    cheers!

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  10. Some Ghanaian men continue to cheat because their women put up with them. Ghanaian women should not put up with such SHIT. If your man wants to cheat, LEAVE him. There are guys that don't cheat! I think it's very disrespectful for anyone to cheat on their partners. Anyone who cheats on you is not worth your time or energy. No woman should be that desperate to put up with a cheater. With dildos and vibrators you can't possible want a man that bad!

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  11. To Fiifi and Novisi, (Novisi, I don't disagree that women might cheat as much as men), but people are people, and there will always be the other woman/man who would be perfectly willing to help someone cheat. Are you suggesting that the other person is cheating too? On whom? It is the responsibility of the person in the relationship to be faithful to their partner. Doesn't matter if you (as a man) comes home to find a naked woman who is not your wife spreadeagled on your bed... it is your choice as the one in a relationship to NOT mount her!

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  12. The "other" person in the relationship is definitely a cheat too. Identifying a person on whom one is cheating is not the way to determine that a person is cheating or not. As long as you know that the person you are sleeping with is committed to someone else, you are definitely a cheat too. You are cheating mostly yourself, for thinking that you are deserving of only the left-over bits and pieces of someone else's prize, and you're cheating the real owner of the prize, by depriving them of the full value of their commitment. Cheating is atrocious and we can bash men all we want for sleeping around, but the women that they sleep with aren't guilt-free either.

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  13. Interesting points...loving the conversations. Here's my question. Do you all have conversations about cheating with your significant others? It seems to me like the reason PA's girlfriend does not know PA is cheating is because they don't talk. I mean what kind of relationship are you having when you just assume that your partner will be faithful and are not clear where he stands on something as important as whether you're exclusive or not.PA would probably not lie if the girlfriend asked him what he thinks about cheating. Maybe we should take these conversations beyond wo se ekyir into our relationships. How sad would it be if u came here to write nice things about how everyone should be faithful and the whole time...your own significant other is in bed with another person. Are you talking at home?

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  14. Oh Fiifi, please take some responsibility for your actions. If u cheat on ur girlfriend, it is not only because some woman enabled u to cheat but also because you made the choice to cheat. Welcome to the blog, cousin:) It looks like our days of disagreeing are not over.

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  15. Esi, interesting point. We are only hearing PA's side of it (and might I add that his POV is VERY disgusting especially because he has no regard for his gf's reproductive health), but who knows? The gf might be cheating, too. Or the gf might be well aware of his cheating.

    I totally do NOT agree with Fiifi. Men have their own mind. No one can "enable" you to cheat. Sometimes the mistress (or male version of mistress) is not even aware that their partner is in a relationship! Even if they were, at the end of the day, the person in a relationship would receive most of the blame (from me).

    In this day and age with all these diseases, I personally can NOT accept a cheating boyfriend. Because for me, when you put my health at risk, you clearly have absolutely no respect for my humanity. And that is DEAL BREAKER.

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  16. Yop how true Esi. I don't and cannot trust anyone at this point in my life. So it would not be such a shocker to learn that a bf has cheated on me. I dont ask too many questions and i find it somewhat insecure to always be in your partners space all the time becuz you are afraid of them cheating on you. But as you said, it is v. fundamental to define a relationship's exclusivity...but people say things, yet do another.

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  17. Girl, I have too much to say concerning this topic that I don't know where to begin. There is a million factors I could point to which lead to cheating in general but let's see if I can just talk about a few.

    Sometimes, I wonder how many people come from homes where both parents work. My husband and I came to the conclusion that in some traditional Ghanaian homes, the women are "homemakers" who cook and clean and take care of the kids. Now I do agree that it is a very difficult task and most men might not be predisposed to nurturing in this kind of way. However, they do not take that into consideration when they spend the bulk of their time outside the home "supposedly" trying to make a living.

    They tend to form new friendships with people who may present different intellectual challenges that they are not used to because they have not been spending that much time at home to get that in the first place... Anyways,Mrs. Homemaker may be aware of her husbands extra marital affair but since she has no source of income whatsoever, she lets it go because what else can she do?
    There is so much more to this scenario that I could talk about too but we have to continue this topic later.

    Esi, you forgot to ask Papa Abayie why he is in a relationship at all? You might want to do that. I am a little curious at what his response might be.

    Anyways, as I was telling you the other day, love is not just a feeling, feelings change all the time! It is a choice/decision we make to commit no matter what. With constant communication and effort on both sides, (and God's help!...u know me...)you can make it work. Just remember, do your best for each other!

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  18. I came to a conclusion in my psychology class when this issue was discussed...we all can cheat. I am sure most women will admit lusting after a hottie when their significant others were around...I believe society has molded as into what it expects of us. I have my reasons for not cheating and "killing" my partner if I find out he has. However,I dare say if we find men and women who are not bound by out norms and societal contraints, they will cheat equally.

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  19. Interesting views...
    But if u guys care to know i believe women cheat more than men do...that sounds funny yea! well guess what...when men cheat we are stupid enough to let our peers know that we've cheated, we loud about it. But for women when they cheat dey keep it to themselves or even if they'll tell its only to their best friends.
    In my youthful age from the university till now, i realised that most of the girls i 'fucked' either one night stands or affair..had serious patterners which i had no idea of...they held on to their patterners cus they where in search of 'something better'...
    Girls are also more sexually activie than guys, but they pretend...i realised that when u open up and talk openly about sex, especially flirtish or explicit vivid conversations to a womam she always want to be in ur company even if shes married...there are lots of married women and young girls i fucked who have serious patterners but are not happy b'cus de sex is bad or their husband is not 'going anal'...i met this well responsible woman who worked as a manager in one of the banks...the conversation started with the advert 'Confidence between ur legs" de fermcare advert...then i became more flirtish with her...first she was a bit relectant then later she opened up, we talked about our sexual desires n the things she wanted done to her...geess her husband couldn't do it...so i did...

    The long and short of it is women are more sexually active n constantly looking for advanture which we guys are more willing to give...besides women are their own enermies, they even fuck their bestfriends husbands...when i was on campus i fucked 2 of my girlfriends room-mates when they knew we were deep into the relationship...

    please guys cheat b'cus they women allow it...u tell a woman u've a girl or u married n she'll chase u the more...especially if u rich...

    there's nothing like free pussy! in fact de cheapest thing in the world now is pussy!

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  20. Men cheat because they can.
    Men continue to cheat because some women tend to take them back and that's just another way of encouraging them.

    I've been cheated on before , one of my exes said he was just doing it for "papers".("rolls eyes"). He actually had the nerve to tell me to sit back and wait for him while he does his stuff and as soon as he is divorced, we'll get married.

    We had been in a long distance relationship and obviously he had his own second life going on. He's regretting it now saying he made a "mistake".
    A mistake , to me is saying 2 + 1 is 4.

    Now the other ex cheated on me and said it was just " %&"!( ". I dont have to be explicit, I think we all know what I'm talking about. Why did he cheat? I asked him but didn't get any sensible answer. Just like "exhibit A" , he cried and pleaded and all that. Don't believe the tears, they're just another form of acting.

    Men cheat because they can and if the opportunity to cheat is there, only a real man will resist it.

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  21. Esi, I definitely (think) I would want to know if the person I was in a relationship with was cheating on me.

    Beyond the fact that I really do not want to be involved with someone like that, if I was having physical relations with the person, I would want to know so I can take care of myself, i.e. get checked and stuff. I am not sure I know how I would react however, beyond getting myself out of the situation and getting myself tested.

    When it comes to whether or not to tell the person being cheated on, I think this would depend on the relationship you have with them. If you don't know the person, it is easier (probably better) to stay out of it.

    On the other hand, if the cheated on is a good friend/family it is again a harder decision. Some women want to know and will feel betrayed if they find out later that you knew. Others, do not want to know and would probably turn against you if you are the bearer of the bad news.

    From, past experience where I knew a good friend was being cheated on, putting me in that complex situation of whether or not to say anything (I ended up not saying anything), I have taken to asking good friends, whenever this issue comes up whether or not they want to know.

    It is kind of a weird conversation to have, but I really hate having to make the decision for someone else. This way, whether I say something to them if I have such information depends on the individual. Now, if I could only remember who said what. I guess I will have to be polling my friends again sometime soon. :-)

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  22. you know i've been hearing a lot of jazz about genetic wiring and i think its bull. i can't accept that. we're not genetically wired to be vegetarians; many humans are. our genetic mode of transportation is walking and if we want speed, running yet we all put in the effort necessary to drive. i could give you a list an arm long about what is unnatural to us which is part of our lives. so in the end genetics shmetics.it comes down to discipline and incentive. if anonymous really loved his girl and was afraid to lose her, he wouldn't have messed with her roommates. obviously he knew that either she would take him back and hate her roomies or he wouldn't miss her.

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  23. also i don't know if i would forgive a friend who knew my partner was cheating and didn't talk to him or me. i would consider that they chose loyaties and they didn't choose me. but i know none of my friends would want to be responsible for bringing strife into my two baby home so if they didn't want to tell me i can respect that. so i would want to know but i can understand (even if i don't forgive).

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  24. Korshie stinks of Christianity. Such guys are so hypocritically unattractive! bleah! Why men cheat? hah! even they don't really know why. i think it's just an offshoot of human relationships and anyone, man, woman, dog, can cheat. the difference lies in how the conscience has been trained.

    fact is men in Africa don't give a rat's ass about maintaining multiple sex partners. the upbringing [and society] gives them all the freedom even as it yells: prostitute!! at the woman when she seeks to exercise her freedom.

    of course, faithful and jealous women can curb this canker by threatening or subtley hinting castration as often as possible...just to keep the men in check... u know... AIDS and all...

    or simply just walking away from such shit when they discover it. women really need to remeber that they are women in love NOT fools in love. keep your eyes wide open and your wits about u. no offense meant but it is fact that men can be really dumb...most of the time...

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  25. Elsie said..
    I've spoken to a number of men on this issue and they tell me they cheat on their partners because one woman cannot satisfy their enormous sexual desire. Personally, i think there shouldnnt be any excuses.If it get to a point where you dont love your woman anymore,let her go than keep her and cheat on her.you can wreck her emotionally and physically when she finds out.you can always admire another woman but dont go any further.If you men cant take it when your woman cheats on you,then what makes you think women can.It is the most painful thing that can ever happen to any one.If she is timid in bed,teach her to be active.If she is boring,teach her to be exciting.Communication is the answer to all situations so tell her exactly what you need and how you want it.Be friends with your partner and feel free to tell her what you enjoy most.Who said you cant be happy with one woman?My dear,it depends on you and your partner.It doesnt kill anyone to be faithful.lets love our partners and respect them enough not to cheat on them.maame kindly send me your details to my email address,ellsexy@yahoo.co.uk

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  26. Thank you for a very a very interesting post. And the comments have been insightful ... I was cheating the other woman - so in essence a cheat ^_^ too as one of the posters pointed out. I'm Ghanaian living in South Africa and I met my co-conspirator here who's also Ghanaian.
    He's funny, sweet and unbelievably sexy. When we met I had no idea he had a gf. Silly me assumed he was available. Only for him to spill the beans that he was involved. I should have learnt from the first GH guy I dated. So long and short of the story is realizing the murky situation I had gotten myself into I immediately ended it. He came back to me, single this time ... however cause of the way our relationship started cheating has been strongly discussed between us. We are slowly building trust from scratch. Once a cheater always a cheater? hmmm we'll see.

    As to why he cheated on his gf? Well I was just so different from her, from his usual preference and I turned out to be lovely surprise. I on the other hand ended it as soon as I knew he had a gf and moved on. It was responsibility to then do the right thing - no having the cake and eating it, allowed here.

    So I do a agree to some extent that as the other woman/man one can in some instances make it easier for the other to cheat.

    Great blog Esi, I will definitely be coming back! ^_^

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  27. First of all Esi, I would like to say you are distracting me from doing some work with this interesting and very insighting post. If i don't complete what i am supposed to be doing, then I am definitely blaming you (i gotta blame someone).

    Now my take on why men cheat, i find myself agreeing with most of the people responding to this post. Men cheat because they can and get away with!!! I once had a "guy friend" who asked me what would i do if i found out that another girl was interested and was trying to tempt him. His exact question was, "would you fight the other girl for me?", to which i laughed and said, boy i am not fighting for no guy. My whole stance is, if i say i am committed to you, i will do whatever within my power to make both of us happy and work, therefore if after all this you can be tempted, then i think it fairly simple that you leave. I mean if a guy comes up to me and says he is confused, he is torn between me and another girl, i make the decision very easy for him, I walk away because i refuse to be a third party in any relationship!

    I also think that guys like to play on the fact that us women will NOT want to be married more than once in our lifetime, hence because we do say for better or for worse they assume we are going to stay in a marriage because we do not want others to know our marriage is not working. And the truth is most people stay because of that and the children (if there are any). There is no right answer to this question, but bottom line is WE SHOULDNT PUT UP WITH IT! CHEATING SHOULD NOT BE ACCEPTABLE OR BECOME THE NORM.

    Now the big question is how do we go about changing this perception?

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  28. Hmmmmmm. . . . I must say that I'm sorely disgusted with the rationale and the prevailing psyche. As a society we really need our heads checked. With everything, and I mean everything there is an order to how things are meant to be and usually there are exceptions. I'm not denying that some men and women cheat but I'm arguing that our way of thinking is causing these abominable acts to continue and its really destroying our ladies, our gentlemen, our lives, our families and our society.

    Not all men cheat and not all women cheat. Let me use this example, think of the world as a cup of water and think of ppl who don't cheat as salt, those who cheat they're like oil. Now if u mix these into the water the salt will disappear and the oil will rise to the top. The muck at the top is what we assume that everyone is doing and is the most prevalent in our societies. Unfortunately even our society seems to be built around that way of thinking that the norm is ppl cheating on people. I feel that people shouldn't be sleeping with each other in first place outside of wedlock.

    Furthermore, men or people in general are not dogs and neither are we pigs (albeit some do act like them) and with that in mind saying that people are not monogamous by nature I think is a fallacy in and of itself. Even cheaters go on AND EVENTUALLY GET SPRUNG ON 1 PERSON. They all do, and most of them even regret it. The biggest problem in all of this is LOVE, REAL LOVE. I mean, the real deal, not the lust thing, I mean the real real real real real love that a person can have for another person, it snot even about sex, its about love. That is what our society is missing and that is what I feel that we're all overlooking here. Yes its going on, yes that is what we see all around us but I believe that some are keeping themselves truthful and everyone who isn't doesn't really know how to LOVE.

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  29. So what happens when two people get married and after 3-5 years they realize they don't have anything in common but their children? There is no passion, no communication, no fun. They are two people, not one. Did they get married for the wrong reasons? Or they were just not meant to get married? Their desire to live up to society's expectations saw them through the engagement, wedding, the outdoor and the housewarming.

    But society will not be by their side through a divorce. So they cheat. Yes because as humans, we will go where love is. Where someone can hold them because they want to, not because they have to, once a week or a month or in 6 months.

    Take off the blinkers people, society does not want to accept that some people are unhappy in marriages and so they seek their happiness elsewhere.

    It is not only about fun, sometimes we misstep and marry the wrong person but divorce is not an option.

    This is to those couples who have been happy as "cheaters" for 10 plus years.

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  30. I am from the states and i have been married to a Ghanaian man for 2 1/2 years. I have never in my life experienced a man that lies the way he does. It could be something trivial, something he doesn't even need to lie about, like telling me he is at the gas station when he is really at the grocery store. The biggest lies of course have been about the other women. The cheating is unbelieveable. I have come to know some of the other men in the Ghanaian community here and have witnessed the same behaviors in them. Its very sad to me because my perception of Ghanaian men is very tainted now. Although i realize the extreme cultural differences i am left asking "Are all of the Ghanaian men this way? And are they taught at a very young age that this behavior is acceptable?" i genuinely feel like thay have no conscience about hurting the people who love them.

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  31. I have to agree with Mercy. They don't give a rat's ass about cheating, or who they hurt by doing so. I would like to believe that not all of them are this way, however, i have never known one, not even one that does not lie and cheat.
    What they don't realize is the ones they are hurting the most are the children involved. What are they teaching our younger African brothers. Will we have an entire generation of men that continue to lie and cheat?

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  32. @ Anonymous from the States, not to kick a person while she is down but HOW DARE YOU make such a blanket statement? Have you met EVERY Ghanaian man there is? Then please limit your accusations to the Ghanaian men you have met "every Ghanaian man I have met is this way" instead of "i am beginning to think every ghanaian man is this way". Almost all the American men I have met are insufferable idiots who would think nothing of cheating on a woman - but i haven't yet gotten to thinking all american men are that way. You might be hurt and all, but that is no excuse to through around blanket statements about Ghanaian man. I am a Ghanaian man who does not cheat - and so i do take offence.

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  33. Are w also going to the the "Inside Scoop on Why Ghanaian women cheat"?

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  34. I've been reading above comments and I have to say lots of them are very wise, truthfull and meaningful, where some don't make any sense. I live in United States, went to Ghana and got married in 2012 to a man from Accra. It was I thought "True Love". Im expecting his child now and he is already in another realationship with a woman 20 years older.Since Im back in USA he has stoped comunicating with me and stoped believing that im pregnant with his child. I believe in God and all these guys outthere cheating left and right will pay consequences sooner or later. "What comes around it goes around". We Women Are Strong Spiecies and Men are afraid of Us! To All Females stand up for yourself and dont let no man disrespect You. One Love, Peace and God Bless!

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