Saturday, November 14, 2009

Do you know which items make the big list?


I’ve never attended a Ghanaian traditional marriage ceremony. That ceremony which some people now call engagement but which is actually proper marriage, recognised by our elders as well as Ghana law. Even though I haven’t seen one feeli feeli (tr: with my own eyes), I know from akan drama, Ghanaian movies, and hearsay that the bride’s family requests a list.

I’ve been asking around and it looks like every family has their own list. I’m not sure how they come up with this list or even if the young couple have any say in what is requested but I thought it would be useful to generate some sort of BIG LIST on this blog. So that Ghanaians who will be marrying in the future can pick and choose from this list. Here’s what I have so far.

1. Bottles of Schnapps – How Schapps positioned itself as the traditional drink for Ghanaian marriages is an advertising marvel.

2. Pieces of Cloth – Again just like Schnapps has become synonymous with marriage drink, Holland aka Hollandais aka Vlisco is the preferred brand of cloth.

3. Bible

4. Ring

5. Dowry in the form of money

6. Money or cloth for the father, mother and siblings

7. Amonsee (traditional underwear) / panties / bras – Seriously?

What else do people typically request?

What do the items signify?

And for those of you who are married, what did you request?

And now that I look back on this list, it seems we want nothing that's made in Ghana for a Ghanaian marriage. Hmm...


38 comments:

  1. I don't know that it's true that we don't want anything made in Ghana for our engagements (which is a traditional and legally recognized WEDDING - why the hell do we call it engagement anyway?) But all of these demands do have their origins steeped in Ghanaian culture. It's not like it wasn't customary to ask for a drink to be presented in the days before schnapps - somehow it came to be schnapps. And while I wouldn't mind asking for nmeda (at least that's what it's called in Ga - a sweet fermented corn drink)or pito, I'd much rather take schnapps over akpeteshie or kasapreko or sth else. In fact, if we don't want to ask for pit or nmeda, then I'll ask my parents to tell the guy to buy Chardonnay or Merlot (might as well go for broke, lol).
    Asking for a Bible for Christian families makes sense, just as it would for muslim families to demand a Koran... I don't know what traditional reliigion believers would ask for though (a goat for sacrifice to Asaase Yaa?)
    THe ring is kinda necessary (as in much of the world these days we do wear rings to signify marriage)
    As for the cloth, I know we call it Holland all the time, but I wasn't aware it SPECIFICALLY had to be Vlisco. I thought it could be GTP or ATL too. After all, all the cool VLisco stuff is found in Togo or Naija. And the GTP textiles we have nowadays are superb, and probly cheaper too. I don't think anyone is going to complain if one presents GTP instead of Vlisco. It's just what it's called - Holland. And soon if we all begin to call it Ankara because that's what the Nigerians call it, it still wouldn't make a difference, I don't think, if one were to present GTP instead of Holland.
    I didn't know about the amonsee - that's funny. But we don't have made-in-Ghana amonsee do we?
    Of course they ask for money (i thought ALL of these things were dowry, not just the cash). I don't know what the drinks signify, but I was told that the religious artifacts signify acknowledgment of belief in God (or sth to that effect), the money is traditionally supposed to be kept for the woman, so that in case anything happened down the line and the man died, she'd have something to fall back on. Back in the day, in addition to money, they gave things like sewing machines (so the woman could learn a trade and not have to depend on relatives' charity if some tragedy were to befall her). He had to prove he was capable of taking care of her and future offspring if anything were to happen. Now I know that is the principle. I don't know how the implementation went
    I guess that's why there's also a separate money for the father. Why? - perhaps to thank the father for bringing up such a fine daughter? To compensate hime for the loss of revenue - cos traditionally when a woman married, she joined her husband's family (well, I'm Ga and Ewe, and I know that's how we do it - i don't know very much about Akan or other ethnic groups' family dynamics) and all her revenue from work/bearing children or whatever went to her husband's family - you know, no monkey dey work, baboon dey chop.
    and THEN there's the matter of the akontasikan.....hehe
    SO..... I don't know that it's a matter or not wanting anything traditionally Ghanaian. OR perhaps I haven't thought about it critically enough. Traditional weddings are one part of Ghanaian culture that i have always been insanely proud of - i've always felt it was a philosophy our ancestors came up with in a moment of clarity and wisdom.

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  2. I LOVE the traditional marriage ceremonies and i've been to loads of them. I think that they are way more fun than the white weddings. At least the Ga ones, which are the ones i've been to.
    It used to be that the listed included things like a sewing machine, mortar and pestle (for fufu)and various other kitchen implements and utensils. I went to many ceremonies when i was younger where all these were given. I think because of "development" the traditional thinsg aren't requested anymore. eg. you're more likely to see a blender than apotoyiwaa at the marriage ceremonies these days.

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  3. Lingerie for the bride!!! Don't forget that one!!!

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  4. i am married and had almost everything on ur list on mine, except the amonsin... and oh yeah, i asked for yards and yards of Woodin!

    Adjoa L.

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  5. I love our traditional weddings (or engagements, if u like)! I badly want to have one and have considered having a traditional instead of a white wedding. Though I know many have both. Well at least in the UK...

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  6. @Nsoromma - girl, do what pleases you! (after all, the operative word in traditional weddings is 'wedding'- and it is also legally recognized!!!).

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  7. Personally when I get engaged, I will be asking for plenty ntoma, regardless of what brand it is...ATP, GTP, whatever, just gimme gimme. I will also be asking for pleeeenty ghana beads.

    If someone shows up with a sewing machine, I will slap the hell out of that person! lol

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  8. I'm very surprised that some people call our traditional marriage engagement. All my siblings did traditional marriage and no church wedding. After the traditional marriage, you have to go to the registrar's office to sign the certificate and you'll be all set.

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  9. I never heard that the cloth had to be typically Hollandias. I've know people to use GTP too. Well this is the list I know. And I think its very traditional.
    2 bottles Schnapps and 1 Whiskey
    Dowry
    6 half pieces of wax print cloth
    6 Scarves(duku)(...usually to match the cloth)
    1 kente cloth
    A trunk or suit case
    Jewellery set and Beads
    Lingerie
    Waist beads
    Amonsen
    Shoes/sandals/ahenema
    Full piece cloth plus cash token for father
    Half piece cloth plus cash token for mother
    Akonta sekan (cash token for siblings)
    Bible
    Ring
    Stool (In Ewe communities)
    A crate of minerals
    A crate of beer
    Assorted drinks
    Sewing machine (This is no longer requested because most women are do not sew. It was in furtherance of the woman's role as full time caregiver for her husband and children. I now hear some women are asking for laptops in their role as career women! Whoa?!;-))

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  10. I've long spoken of my desire to only have a traditional wedding. I love them and I do think they're a lot more fun than white weddings. Like one of the anonymous ones above, I'd better be getting plenty of cloth!

    @Kwegyirba I've seen laptops being given at engagements too!

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  11. lol @ laptops being given engagements. Eih!!!!! then i loose guard waa.Did my traditional marriage this April and i was so proud of myself not getting into all dat white wedding.
    My husband was very surprised to see the list cos it wasn't any big deal and ma brother was like eih!!!! then we can all get married.

    maybe my family is very modest but i think dats the way to go. No amonsen, waist beads and de rest. just the normal drinks, beer, cloths..... u name it.

    It was such u graceful ocassion and i loved every second of it. Even though people kept on asking 'when is the wedding' and i always go like this is it. Funny huh!!!!! its really surprising how some Ghanaians belittle their own.

    QUEENIE

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  12. thoughts of a simpletonNovember 16, 2009 4:58 PM

    @ anonymous- I used to think i had to have two occasions- the tradiational and the church/ white wedding. But i realised that i do not have to as the tradiational is as meaningful as the church ceremony. They carry equal weight in respect, honour and value.

    I mean i like attending weddings, but i now understand there real thing is post- ceremonial celebration etc. As a Christian, i believe Christ accepts the traditional ceremony, as long he is the centre of the relationship. Besides, Christ is every where. As a ghanaian, I believe it is alright to marry on a beach, open air- where ever. One does not have to marry in a church environment. My dad think it is brilliant. ( Church may frown- but who cares- I do not think the One who really matters will and neither will I)

    These days, the church makes one think it is unlawful not to have a white wedding?? Says Who?????. God did not say that.

    If my soon to be husband and i choose to go the tradtional route only - Then Super for us. Because We want us to work- ( if you know what i mean) Both carry the same weight.

    Methinks it is alright to request for what u want if your pocket will meet it. I really love tradiational weddings. They are beautiful and meaningful to me. because the two families really come together!!!! We are ghanians- Just for controversy sake- the white wedding is the white man's thing, Our Traditional marriage is our thing too.

    since our world is more contemporary- i think it is fine to have laptops/ cars/ plots of land etc.If it is essential for the woman fulfilling her role. I personally do not find anything wrong with it.

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  13. This topic sound very interesting, can someone research into the marriage rites of the Krobos of Ghana. I'm married to a Krobo lady and men! you need not to be told about how expensive and complicated their marriage and funeral rites are. This a home work for you all
    archie

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  14. i also personally believe the traditional marriage is NOT an engagement but an actual ceremony in itself. i however had both because I wanted to. what i can't seem to understand is that many churches in ghana do not accept the traditional marriage alone... shame on them. i think i'm gonna buy them a sankofa carving wraped in red n green paper come december. anyway, most of the things on the list were what my father requested, in addition to the extra things my in-laws wanted to bring. can u belive they brought mortar n pestle, 'asanka', 'tapoli', 'dades3n, 'bankuta', blender n other that weren't even on the list. plus i was a college student in the US who came home just for the ceremony so i left all those things in ghana... with the exception of the asanka. lol. n also i don't know about others but since i was gonna wear use the items, i took the list from my dad, made a copy for my in-laws so they will see what is being demanded n then i went to town with my mum and bought what i wd like. i wrapped all of it up and took it to my in-laws the day before the engagement. the suitcase ddn't even ave all the things in it because i just ddn't have time. to me, the there should be specific items to be asked for at all times but there should also be room for modification. not everyone wants to be a seamstress... in fact how many do we see these days(btw, i have a sewing machine that i bought myself. and not everyone wants to be the typical house wife with all the kitchen stuff. i'd have loved some shoes and purses not the very few they put on the list. and on a more serious note a piece of land wdn't have been bad at all.
    with that said lemme repeat that we do have a very beautiful tradition that a lot of people admire so QUIT calling it the engagement before... just quit ok? lol

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  15. How about the goat? Always oo the goat is the symbol of an incoming feast!!!lol

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  16. I have to say, i feel quite uncomfortable about giving the guy's family a list. My issue with it being, if the guy is like me, also now starting out in life, it seems a bit unfair to give him a list of requests. And truly, there are very few items on this list that i'd actually want. Perhaps only the cloth and sewing machine. And even so, i would be taking it to invest in a personal clothing business not to wear myself.

    The question i ask myself is, if i were a guy, would i be happy about this? And after making a young man bring you such a list of things when you're both getting married (he's not the only one getting married, why shd he pay for it?), can you blame him if he walks into the marriage feeling a certain sense of ownership? I dunno. I just can't fully accept it. I struggle with this aspect of our culture. How do other women come to terms with this? I think in one of the comments, someone said they asked for lots and lots of woodin. Why? Doesn't it feel funny to have someone pay for something you want? Especially if you can afford it? That is, if i so want 6 pieces of vlisco, why make the poor boy pay for it, when i can afford it?

    I know that these days many women pitch in to purchase the items, and i think this is a step in the right direction but even if the lady paid for half the cost, it would still be weird right? That she and the guy had to pay to give the girl and her family stuff. Of course one way to see it is...this is what it takes to get married in Ghana, and both the guy and the girl contributed towards their marriage...and not worry about where the items went.

    I'm really conflicted. I don't like any system that seems unfair and in this case, it seems to me this list is unfair on men. I wouldn't feel comfortable keeping quiet and accepting these things, only for me to turn around and demand fairness in the marriage. Especially since i don't plan on assuming traditional wife roles in my own marriage. It seems like a double standard to me.

    Thoughts?

    Any feminists in the house?

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  17. Thoughts of a simpletonNovember 17, 2009 10:26 AM

    You see, i read an article on afrikangoddess.com about traditional ceremony- the author could not understand why money and such was given. Personally, i do not find anything wrong with the requests of a pistle and mortar. Back in the day- it was essential to the women. Where as these days- it is affordable etc. So, to the modern woman- it s very impratical. Perhaps it was scarce then, who knows or maybe since Ashantis prize Fufu above jolloff- the family wanted to assure him she will satisfy his belly

    The gifts requested by her parents and presented by his family members- are only symbols of love- he is proving that he can provide for her, He values her- body, soul etc.

    I also think that it is fine to amend it as these days, times have changed. Women are independent and able to provide for themselves and their family. Hence It is fine to be given appropriate things to use in keeping with essence of the gifts presented on the occasion.

    If you remove the ancient stone( tradition), we will fall flat on our face. However, we also have to improve tradition.

    I personally, cannot see myself simply staying at home, although i am willing to take a lesser paid job, or set up a home business where i can take care of my children and ensure that busines is rolling. The proverbs 31 woman was ahead of her time. Amazing as i think that this modern day woman was presented more that 4 thousand years ago.
    Now thats admirable.

    Hence , i do not need to be feminist at all. I simply need to apply wisdom, marry a man who thinks this way and all will be gravy!!!

    @ Kwadwo Ofori Mensah-- a good woman wil help you out. She will step in for you. so no worries here. Good women know the real value of symbolism behind the Frolicks.

    Lastly- i prize our way of marriage ( lets throw away the word traditional like it was something ancient- this is us) because it is simply magnificent. I applaud the men because it is a lot to ask- but, to some extent it shows that they are committed to their words.

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  18. i dont think its only the men dat contribute to the traditional wedding.Traditionally the guys family bring the stuff dey're asked for and after the ceremony the girls family entertain them with food, drinks, souvernirs and a very big parcel to take home.Its a form of give and take matter.

    These days in most instances the couples tend to contribute to the ceremony as a whole and its just fair play if both understand each other.

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  19. @Esi: And after making a young man bring you such a list of things when you're both getting married (he's not the only one getting married, why shd he pay for it?), can you blame him if he walks into the marriage feeling a certain sense of ownership?

    I think a man is going to feel a sense of ownership over his wife and family regardless of whether he is made to pay a dowry, is given a long list of things to bring or not. That is their calling says the Lord.Anybody who is given authority to provide and protect --even in the animal kingdom--will need to feel some sense of ownership over whom he is to protect in order to fuel the responsibility given him/it. I don't think a man feeling a sense of 'ownership'over a woman is so bad.We need them to. I think what men really feel is responsibility not ownership.It's a give and take world. You want to be single,you don't need to defer to any man. You want a man's provision and protection for yourself and your children most of all, you must be vulnerable in some sense to need that in the first place right? So see you cant eat your cake and have it. Even at our jobs we need to feel a sense of ownership in the organization in order to apply ourselves fully. Same here.

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  20. Esi I think you are taking things a little far. There is nothing wrong with your husband giving you things. Most guys like to give as a way to show their love and you shouldn't stop them. I doubt very much that "enlightened" guys think that giving you gifts means that they have bought you. True, some parents see this list as a money-making venture, which is wrong. But the principle itself I think is entirely appropriate. If you ever plan on having children you are going to be dependant on your husband for at least the few weeks that you have to take time out to feed the baby - it is a fact of womanhood, unfortunately! Also, your husband's family will probably expect to chip in to help him out and as has been pointed out, nothing stops the two of you pooling your resources. See my long long post below.

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  21. Hi, I'm a pastor's daughter and a born again Christian who always dreamed of a white church wedding but ended up not having one. My parents were fine with it and 5+ years down the line, so are we still. We've never had a church blessing - haven't given up on the idea as a sort of renewal of vows but it's totally not a priority. We had the traditional marriage in the morning; it lasted all of 30 minutes with my uncle as my Okyeame which I thought was really cool. We are Akan so our ceremony was less elaborate than the Gas would be. If I remember right my parents asked for a suitcase, 6 pieces of cloth, a Bible, a ring and money for my dad, my mum, me and my siblings. The alcohol requirement was also given as money, and we got some minerals as well. My husband and I bought the suitcase and 3 new half-pieces of cloth which I chose myself. One was Holland, one was some seersucker and one was lace. I then dug out 3 halfpieces of GTP that I already owned. My mother in law wrapped them up and added some beads for me and my mum, as she deals in beads, and they brought everything to my house on the appointed day. All the money came from my husband's and my joint resources. My dad had always threatened not to ask for anything as he also doesn't believe in all that, but at the end of the day it is the tradition, that is how we are married so he went with the bare minimum.

    (Continued below)

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  22. (Continued from above post)

    I'm also a Ghanaian lawyer and to all those who have only had the traditional marriage, you should know that it is a potentially polygamous one and your husband is legally entitled to marry other women under customary law!! That’s one of the reasons why the church encourages marriage in church, which falls under the Marriage Ordinance where the rule is one man one wife in accordance with Christian tradition. It's for the woman's protection. Also, don't forget that churches view marriage as a covenant between the man and the woman, hence the importance of the vows. Under customary law no vows are made, they just ask the woman if she wants to marry the guy. So if you're a Christian you might want to think about that side of things if promising for better or worse till death do you part matters to you.

    If I remember right (law school was a long time ago) the essential aspect of the traditional marriage is the giving of consent by the woman to the marriage. If that is not given, it doesn’t matter what else was given. The cloth is of Ga origin – there was such a thing as a Ga six-cloth marriage – but I don’t know if it is an essential under any other custom. The Bible and ring are obviously adoptions from the Christian marriage practice. Alcohol – I suppose it was to do with libation? These days people give money in place of alcohol sometimes. In fact, every item can be boiled down to cash and would probably still be acceptable! All the other stuff is just things to help the couple in the marriage, much as we give wedding presents at church weddings.

    If you don't have a church wedding I would advise you to at least go to the registry office as well to sign, so you can get a marriage certificate under the Marriage Ordinance. I am personally of the view that it's a better option than even registering the traditional marriage (still potentially polygamous). In case of divorce (God forbid) it's just a lot more straightforward if you've been married under the Ordinance, rather than going to dig up the divorce custom of your traditional background and never being sure if you got it right and are still traditionally married or not.

    So after our traditional marriage ceremony we went to the registry office in Accra and signed the register, after the marriage registrar had asked us if we took each other as man and wife. My dad's assistant pastor then took us through the vows, and then prayed over us and that was it. As a lawyer i must point out that saying the vows and praying in the registry office is actually illegal; religious observances of any kind are not allowed during the registry office ceremony. They just did a fellow lawyer a favour as we were being married under special licence anyway. They just made sure we did the legal stuff as well (take each other as man and wife, sign the certificate and witnesses sign as well). So if you do want to say vows and don't want the hoopla of the church wedding, ask the pastor if you can have something simple in the church office on a weekday, sign your certificate and have your witnesses sign, and that’s your future and your kids’ future secure. Ladies, take it from me, you want that piece of paper! Things are complicated enough even when you do have it, let alone having to convince haters that you were ever properly married without any written evidence. But hey, what else do you expect from a lawyer!

    Hope that helps, I'll be happy to answer any more questions.

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  23. Why are lawyers sooooo long-winded? You made good points but you didn't need sixty-ten pages to do it...hehehe

    Anyway, my madam and I are planning a wedding to take place a year from now. I'm curious to know how much people typically budget/spend? I've heard all sorts of estimates and in this credit-crunch world you have to do your diligence. So please, you recently married ones, how much did you budget and actually spend on the whole affair?

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  24. Esi..who would you identify with ..more..Nyasha or Tambu ( Nervous Conditions..Tsitis Dangaremba)..Love your readings but sometimes I sense a disconnect with the Ghanaian culture. On the other hand culture is dynamic. Some of your suggestions seem to gravitate more towards the western culture in my opinion.

    Its true you have to consider the man's family on the other hand you know s33 some of we Ghanaians like akesisem. I'm sure you have seen the pix on facebook of the married couple in the North( on the motor bike..bride in the gown and all) I doubt if that one cost more that $50. That is proper ecomini..I mean ecomdimi..dang Economization!!! So personally, I think it's subjective...Does not necessarily have to be that expensive..

    Anyway you seem very considerate. me wari wo wati. mami list. Mi y3 boga. M3 y3 wo fine papapapapapa.

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  25. @ Kweku Bonsam - unfortunately neither Nyasha nor Tambu is anything to aspire to, lol.
    As to the 'being bought' because one presents a dowry - i don't think that's necessarily the sentiment that prevails it. In my experience, there is no woman (liberated or otherwise) who doesn't want to be taken care of - and I guess our ancestors figured that a way to show that a man was capable of taking care of his wife was the ability to procure the items on the list. Plus - yeah I'll be asking for my yards and yards of cloth!!!! It's just like how in the West it's traditional for the guy to buy the engagement ring...... I don't think it has anything to do with buying a woman. It is misconstrued that way, sure (esp when the things are exorbitantly expensive) but just that's just the point - a misconstruction is a false representation.

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  26. I've left the sixty-ten pages to someone else this time ... http://74.125.153.132/search?q=cache:24eO0oS0CuQJ:gadangmeyouth.blogspot.com/2009/04/ga-dangme-marriage.html+Ga+six-cloth+marriage&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=uk

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  27. Thoughts of a simpletonNovember 18, 2009 11:18 AM

    Thanks Madam Lawyer- That was very useful. It is great advice as it makes the traditional marriage proper and within the Law. Protecting the couple, especialyl the woman.

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  28. As I was conducting interviews for my undergradute research, I realised that for most women fron the zongo communities that I spoke to, the things they acquired from their traditional marriage were what they used to start thier table top businesses. After the marriage ceremony, they recieve very little suport from their husbands(who probably has 2 wives already).
    Families therefore take the opportunity during the traditional marraige to get some sort of investment to secure the future of their wards and not just as payment for the past. Remember all the stories about mothers selling their clothes to pay for school fees? These are mostly the expensive hollands they acquired from their traditional marriages.
    Odi

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  29. Traditionally, the cost of the traditional marriage is bourne by the girl's familiy and not the man. All the man has to do is provide the items on the list, so I think it is fair.
    Odi

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  30. Umm... Am I missing something? What exactly is "traditional Ghanaian underwear" or Amonsee.

    Please explain, cos all I can think of are those ghastly polyester things that you see kids in the village wearing all the time and they bunch up at the back. Does anybody else knwo what I am talking about?

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  31. "That’s one of the reasons why the church encourages marriage in church, which falls under the Marriage Ordinance where the rule is one man one wife in accordance with Christian tradition."

    Small point of correction; marriage in the church does not necessarily fall under the Marriage Ordinance. It only does so if you sign the marriage certificate. So essentially, if you have a blessing in church, without signing the marriage certificate, this does not fall under the Marriage Ordinance.

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  32. When we did the engagement I saw "the list" as symbolic. Yes, there were ntoma (GTP that I picked out), a suitcase (my own wrapped in fancy paper), lingerie, a bible, drinks and money for my family that was very carefully described NOT as a dowry, because my father-in-law explained "you cannot buy a woman" - only begin to compensate the family who now have to do their own cooking...

    As my husband and I payed for most of the wedding ourselves, I saw the cost for the list as divided between us, hence I do not owe my husband anything, we are just properly engaged!

    To conclude, from a feminist point of view, I am fine with "the list" as long as it is not called - or perceived as a - dowry.

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  33. ESI, you are a true feminist and I would want your opinion on this one.I don't think the man should pay for most and or everything. First of all I don't think it is right for the girl's parents to write out a WHOLE LIST of items which should be provided by the man.When my sister was getting married,one of my aunts nearly messed up the ceremony when she blatantly stated that the amount my sister's hubby-to-be presented was not good enough.So the groom and his parents had to excuse themselves to stuff the "white envelope" a little bit more.Lots of men walk into marriages feeling a sense of ownership to the woman. ESI, do you think the man is obliged to pay for all the items? And should the woman not foot a good percentage of the bills in order to make the marital home more neutral and equal?

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  34. I got married (I call it customary marriage) and signed at the registry (no 'by force' white church wedding for me! Even the bible is filled with customary type marriages; Isaac and Rebecca anyone? ). My parents (and I) came up with a list to present to my partner. Anything I didn't want, it did'nt get on the list. It included pretty much everything on the original list except the amonsee and the cloth for siblings (it was an akontan sekan for my brother) Half the cloths presented came from those I already had, the other half was purchased by both of us.

    If both of you share the cost of acquiring the items, then the sence of 'ownership' should not exist. The sense of ownership you are concerned about really depends on the man's ideologies and beliefs. Even if both of you paid for the items on the list and he is of the mind set that he paid for you and 'obaa diee oye obaa' then he will definately feel that you should succumb to his whims.

    I think it also gets dangerous (recipe for marriage disaster) when we are adamant about not playing 'traditional roles' in our marriages. I think, equality comes from sharing your chores based on your abilities (not interests, otherwise nothing will get done). My partner can't cook very well (he can grill and cook rice, but thats about it...) so it will be very foolish of me to say because cooking is the traditional role of a woman, I won't do it and he should. Uhhm, no thanks, I'd rather do the cooking and savor what I am eating. My partner is a neat freak, so he takes care of the laundry, the cleaning and all things related. In short, it is more of an equal partnership (based on your abilities). If an attempt is made to push some chores on the man (because you don't want to play traditional roles) you will find yourself always at odds with each other.

    Or for an easy solution, just hire a good chef, a house manager and whatever else suits your fancy and traditional roles won't be an issue:-)

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  35. HAD A TRADITIONAL WEDDING 3YRS AGO. WAS GIVEN THE LIST BUT SOUGHT PERMISSION FROM MY DAD TO TAKE OUT ALL THE PERSONAAL STUFF- AMONSEN, BRAS ETC. WHAT REMAINED WAS DOWRY, SCHNAPPS, BIBLE RING, CLOTHS(6PCS) MIXTURE OF HOLLAND, GTP, ATL AND JEWLLERY! IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL CELEBRATION AND WE REGISTERED IT IN THE COURTS. I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE A CHURCH WEDDING, COZ IT IS NOT NECESSARY TO ME, BUT FOR FUN, I MAY, LIKE ANY TIME IN THE FUTURE WHEN I CAN AFFORD TO SPEND SO MUCH, JUST FOR FUN AND ALSO TO CELEBRATE OUR LOVE!

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  36. Hello, a pleasant morning to you. Madam Lawyer, am getting married in some few months and we've settled on a garden wedding. Does that also falls in customary? As in how do I really go about it because am planning this all alone. My husband isn't here. He will come some few days prior to the ceremony.

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  37. Thanks to you all for your contributions, I am really blessed, at least I have some insight into this whole marriage ceremony as I prepare to enter soon.

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